Hello Everyone
I have come to the realization that my life is too stressful and I need to make changes. My stomach has been burning for 2 days on and off. Now I am getting sharp pain in the upper right side of my abdomen.. I started googling it and realized my body is telling me to calm down. Work has been hard the last few days. I am working as a certified nurses aide caring for a terminal patient with cancer. I work 12 hour shifts. and when I am off I am taking care of Miles. I did try talking to him last weekend about feeling overwhelmed by all of it. He told me I should cut back my hours. Only bad part was he didn't want to cut back on anything to lower the bills so I could do it. He can't cut out any cable channels, he needs them. Could be lower the grocery bill, maybe a few less snacks? He can't cut back and asked me to help out with his boat repair bill. I have to do something. I have doubled my income and still can't find money to save. I need to change this. Any suggestions?
Lucy
Bubbles, birds and butterflies
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
Thursday, October 27, 2016
Finding myself
Hello Blogworld
I closed my last post saying it was my shout out into the darkness. I was hoping someone would shout back. Life is strange. I heard back from the darkness. It was me saying Hey come find me, this wonderful lady you can be really proud of. I talked to a good friend of mine today. She is struggling with depression and learning how be happy with herself. As I talked I realized finding another man or relationship wasn't the answer. Finding me was! I need to take responsibility for my own happiness and make it happen. Sounds kind scary but exciting. Yes I wanted a big strong man to step into my like and take charge. But me taking charge and deciding what I need to keep and what I need to change is daunting. I can do it. I need to figure out where to start. Any ideas? Love our lurkers day is coming according from some of the blogs I read. Feel free to leave comment. I would love to share my corner of the internet with a new friend or two.
Lucy
I closed my last post saying it was my shout out into the darkness. I was hoping someone would shout back. Life is strange. I heard back from the darkness. It was me saying Hey come find me, this wonderful lady you can be really proud of. I talked to a good friend of mine today. She is struggling with depression and learning how be happy with herself. As I talked I realized finding another man or relationship wasn't the answer. Finding me was! I need to take responsibility for my own happiness and make it happen. Sounds kind scary but exciting. Yes I wanted a big strong man to step into my like and take charge. But me taking charge and deciding what I need to keep and what I need to change is daunting. I can do it. I need to figure out where to start. Any ideas? Love our lurkers day is coming according from some of the blogs I read. Feel free to leave comment. I would love to share my corner of the internet with a new friend or two.
Lucy
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
My life and what I want it to be
Hi Blogland
Not sure if anyone will ever read this but I need to get it out.
I AM TIRED OF DOING FOR EVERYONE ELSE BUT NOT ME!
I am sick of coming in as the last priority in my own life. Yes when my kids were little I understood it. But that isn't the case anymore. I don't want to lay on my deathbed and look back at all the sacrifices I made to make everyone else happy. I want to enjoy my life while I have the health and ability to do so. But I am not and I need to change it.
In my last post I wrote about my childhood causing low self esteem. I have always thought that if I made others happy I would be happy. Doesn't work that way. I am 49 and tired of the way my life is. I live with someone who is extremely self centered and truly believes the world revolves around him. If I stub my toe he says Ouch. He cannot drive and can barely read. His health is not good and leaving him is not an option. I wish I could, it would make life easier but I would not be able to live with myself.
I believe I really have a submissive spirit. I have never been involved in BDSM or anything but really wish I had a partner that could take the lead. I keep finding the guys that need a mother to take care of them. I am tired of it. Are you tired of me saying I am tired? LOL
I read about couple where they care for each other in everyway, physically, mentally, sexually and spiritually. I would love to experience that in my lifetime. Just so it isn't all on my shoulders alone. How do I find it? I am hoping this shout it the dark leads me somewhere.
Lucy
Not sure if anyone will ever read this but I need to get it out.
I AM TIRED OF DOING FOR EVERYONE ELSE BUT NOT ME!
I am sick of coming in as the last priority in my own life. Yes when my kids were little I understood it. But that isn't the case anymore. I don't want to lay on my deathbed and look back at all the sacrifices I made to make everyone else happy. I want to enjoy my life while I have the health and ability to do so. But I am not and I need to change it.
In my last post I wrote about my childhood causing low self esteem. I have always thought that if I made others happy I would be happy. Doesn't work that way. I am 49 and tired of the way my life is. I live with someone who is extremely self centered and truly believes the world revolves around him. If I stub my toe he says Ouch. He cannot drive and can barely read. His health is not good and leaving him is not an option. I wish I could, it would make life easier but I would not be able to live with myself.
I believe I really have a submissive spirit. I have never been involved in BDSM or anything but really wish I had a partner that could take the lead. I keep finding the guys that need a mother to take care of them. I am tired of it. Are you tired of me saying I am tired? LOL
I read about couple where they care for each other in everyway, physically, mentally, sexually and spiritually. I would love to experience that in my lifetime. Just so it isn't all on my shoulders alone. How do I find it? I am hoping this shout it the dark leads me somewhere.
Lucy
Monday, October 24, 2016
A new begining
Hi My name is Lucy.
I am starting a journey to find me. I have been a people pleaser all my life so much so that I don't know what pleases me. What do I like ? What don't I like? Who am I and who do I want to be? I think that last question is really important. I really want to learn the answer.
My childhood shaped me into a woman who doesn't believe in herself. The little girl just wanting someone to love her. A stern stepmother who wasn't very affectionate. I learn to be invisible and not expect anyone to value me or my contributions. I still hear her voice in my head and I need to erase that tape. Any advice on how to do it would be greatly appreciated.
That's it for now. Just a quick hello to see if anyone will say hi back
Lucy
I am starting a journey to find me. I have been a people pleaser all my life so much so that I don't know what pleases me. What do I like ? What don't I like? Who am I and who do I want to be? I think that last question is really important. I really want to learn the answer.
My childhood shaped me into a woman who doesn't believe in herself. The little girl just wanting someone to love her. A stern stepmother who wasn't very affectionate. I learn to be invisible and not expect anyone to value me or my contributions. I still hear her voice in my head and I need to erase that tape. Any advice on how to do it would be greatly appreciated.
That's it for now. Just a quick hello to see if anyone will say hi back
Lucy
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