My life and what I want it to be

Hi Blogland

Not sure if anyone will ever read this but I need to get it out.

I AM TIRED OF DOING FOR EVERYONE ELSE BUT NOT ME!
I am sick of coming in as the last priority in my own life.  Yes when my kids were little I understood it. But that isn't the case anymore.  I don't want to lay on my deathbed and look back at all the sacrifices I made to make everyone else happy.  I want to enjoy my life while I have the health and ability to do so.  But I am not and I need to change it.

In my last post I wrote about my childhood causing low self esteem.  I have always thought that if I made others happy I would be happy.  Doesn't work that way.  I am 49 and tired of the way my life is. I live with someone who is extremely self centered and truly believes the world revolves around him.  If I stub my toe he says Ouch. He cannot drive and can barely read.  His health is not good and leaving him is not an option.  I wish I could, it would make life easier but I would not be able to live with myself.

I believe I really have a submissive spirit.  I have never been involved in BDSM or anything but really wish I had a partner that could take the lead.  I keep finding the guys that need a mother to take care of them.  I am tired of it.  Are you tired of me saying I am tired?  LOL
I read about couple where they care for each other in everyway, physically, mentally, sexually and spiritually.   I would love to experience that in my lifetime.  Just so it isn't all on my shoulders alone. How do I find it? I am hoping this shout it the dark leads me somewhere.
Lucy